Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
