Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
