the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
