just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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