the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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