Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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