Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
