If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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