Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
