hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
