oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
