Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize