watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Randomize
