ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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