just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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