I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
