Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
