I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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