I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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