Can i not drive my cunt home
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
