I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
