I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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