That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
