i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
