Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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