I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
