First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
