You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
