Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
