I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
