So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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