3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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