We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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