New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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