nut hugger
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Text me some of your sweat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
