I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
