Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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