I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
