went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
