Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
