did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't deserve a penis
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
