Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
