She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
