You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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