I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
