She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
