I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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