Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
