I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
