Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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