he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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