guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
