Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
