i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
