The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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