he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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