ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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