There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize