i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
