...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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