After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize