they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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