my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
