we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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