I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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