is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
