there was a trapeze. enough said
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize