Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
