The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
