I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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