Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize